Nowadays, fathers tend to spend more time with their kids than they did 10 years ago. When we think back to the generation that are now becoming grandparents it is hard to imagine our own fathers feeding or changing a baby, even holding a newborn was a totally foreign concept to some - something better left to the ladies. Thankfully times have changed and modern fathers are far more hands on diving in with the bathing, feeding and changing. It’s difficult to know where this shift in attitude has come from, it may have stemmed from the strength women have gained in the world, or perhaps men feel it is more acceptable for them to be involved.

While mums go through nine tough months of pregnancy, fathers feel often helpless being able to do little more than cook a meal or give a massage. Things can be made more difficult if his partner is suffering the effects of her raging hormones and the Modern Dad may feel that he can’t do right for doing wrong.

Interestingly, researchers have shown that male partners show similar symptoms of pregnancy: 20% show symptoms like morning sickness and weight gain (putting on, on average 4kg).

Two Canadian studies have also shown that the father’s hormones can change during his partner’s pregnancy; the milk producing hormone prolactin increases. It is known that this hormone helps the breeding habits in male birds which might help explain why the levels (of this seemingly useless hormone) increase in men. Testosterone levels also decrease by about one third after the birth of the child, it is thought that the more it decreases the more caring a father will be.

It is important for fathers to be informed about what is happening with their partners at every stage of the pregnancy. 90% of all fathers-to-be attend the antenatal class and around the same number attend the birth of their child. Some antenatal courses run sessions specifically tailored towards fathers. These help to answer all the questions they may not be sure of whom else to ask such as; “How can I get my partner into hospital in time?” “Will mother and baby be alright?” “Are there any drugs available for me during labour?”.

Most fathers will be petrified during the latter stages of pregnancy and the birth itself, mainly as they don’t know how to help. Fathers must try and not become too stressed, the most important thing is to be there, stay calm, support and encourage your partner.

Once baby is born, expectations are high. Financial pressures mean that more and more women have to go back to work earlier than they may like. Due to this their partner may need to have an equal input both with the baby and in the home. Many new fathers can imagine taking extended leave from work to look after their child full time. The reality of this is in the most part a dream; since men still tend to earn more than their counterparts the choice of who will work is obvious. It is also difficult for men to justify to employers that they might like to go on parental leave because this is not very common and people simply don’t expect this from men. In the UK only 5% of new fathers take advantage of extended parental leave. Our European neighbours are more advanced: 30% of men go on paternity leave in Sweden, in Finland 10%. In Iceland both parents are obliged to take off at least 3 months each to stay at home for their children.

By knowing what to expect before the baby is born, it increases confidence and allows the father to talk to their partners and convey a (perhaps) unexpected understanding for her situation. Well-informed dads are also able to deal more confidently with their off-spring which helps build a strong relationship; this is beneficial to both father and baby. Tests have shown that children raised by well-informed and confident fathers were more advanced in their mental development. Moreover, psychologists point out how important the father is for the development of the baby. The more he is willing to be “silly” with his little one, pull faces, sing songs and be more active the more he will help build the child’s confidence.

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